There Will Be Mushrooms

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve traveled over half our kingdom to be here tonight. I couldn’t get away sooner because my new track was coming in at Rainbow Road, and I had to see about it. That track is now racing at 200cc; it’s paying me an income of 5,000 coins a week. I have two others under construction and I have 16 racing at Donut Plains. So, ladies and gentlemen, if I say I’m a karting man, you will agree.
Now you have a great chance here, but bear in mind: you can lose it all to a Blue Shell if you’re not careful. Out of all racers that beg for a chance to drive your tracks, maybe one in twenty will be karting men. The rest will be NPCs—that’s Toads and Shy Guys trying to get between you and the karting men to get some of the Item Boxes that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has coins, and means to race, he’ll maybe know nothing about karting, and he’ll have to hire the job out to Donkey Kong on contract. And then you’re depending on Donkey Kong, who will rush the race through so he can get another Grand Prix just as quick as he can. This is the way that this works.
I do my own karting. And the characters that race for me, race for me, and they’re characters I know. I make it my business to be there and to see them race. I don’t fall off the edge and spend minutes waiting for Lakitu. I don’t botch the green shell throw and let it bounce back at me and ruin the whole race.
I’m a family man. I run a family karting business.
This is my son and my partner, Baby Mario. We offer you the bond of family that very few racers can understand.
I’m fixed like no other karting company in this game, and that’s because my Rainbow Road track has just come in. I have a bunch of bananas all ready to put to work. I can load my karts onto trucks and have them here in a week. I have Koopa connections, so I can get the triple shells. Such things go by friendship in a rush like this. And this is why I can guarantee to start racing, and to put up the coins to back my word. I assure you, ladies and gentlemen, no matter what the others promise to do, when it comes to the Knockout Tour, they won’t be there.